Lesson 1:
A man is getting into the shower just
as his wife is finishing up her shower,
when the doorbell rings.
The wife quickly wraps herself in a
towel and runs downstairs.
When she opens the door, there
stands Bob , the next-door neighbor..
Before she says a word, Bob says, 'I'll
give you $800 to drop that towel.'
After thinking for a moment, the
woman drops her towel and stands
naked in front of Bob , after a few
seconds, Bob hands her $800 and
leaves.
The woman wraps back up in the towel
and goes back upstairs.
When she gets to the bathroom, her
husband asks, 'Who was that?'
'It was Bob the next door neighbor,'
she replies.
'Great,' the husband says, 'did he say
anything about the $800 he owes me?'
Moral of the story:
If you share critical information
pertaining to credit and risk with your
shareholders in time, you may be in a
position to prevent avoidable
exposure.
Lesson 2:
A priest offered a Nun a lift.
She got in and crossed her legs, forcing
her gown to reveal a leg.
The priest nearly had an accident.
After controlling the car, he stealthily
slid his hand up her leg.
The nun said, 'Father, remember Psalm
129?'
The priest removed his hand. But,
changing gears, he let his hand slide
up her leg again.
The nun once again said, 'Father,
remember Psalm 129?'
The priest apologized 'Sorry sister but
the flesh is weak.'
Arriving at the convent, the nun sighed
heavily and went on her way.
On his arrival at the church, the priest
rushed to look up Psalm 129. It said,
'Go forth and seek, further up, you will
find glory.'
Moral of the story:
If you are not well informed in your
job, you might miss a great
opportunity.
Lesson 3:
A sales rep, an administration clerk,
and the manager are walking to lunch
when they find an antique oil lamp.
They rub it and a Genie comes out.
The Genie says, 'I'll give each of you
just one wish.'
'Me first! Me first!' says the admin clerk
'I want to be in the Bahamas , driving a
speedboat, without a care in the
world.'
Puff! She's gone.
'Me next! Me next!' says the sales rep.
'I want to be in Hawaii , relaxing on the
beach with my personal masseuse, an
endless supply of Pina Coladas and the
love of my life.'
Puff! He's gone.
'OK, you're up,' the Genie says to the
manager.
The manager says, 'I want those two
back in the office after lunch'
Moral of the story:
Always let your boss have the first say.
Lesson 4
An eagle was sitting on a tree resting,
doing nothing.
A small rabbit saw the eagle and asked
him, 'Can I also sit like you and do
nothing?'
The eagle answered: 'Sure, why not.'
So, the rabbit sat on the ground below
the eagle and rested. All of a sudden, a
fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit
and ate it.
Moral of the story:
To be sitting and doing nothing, you
must be sitting very, very high up.
Lesson 5
A turkey was chatting with a bull.
'I would love to be able to get to the
top of that tree' sighed the turkey, 'but
I haven't got the energy.'
'Well, why don't you nibble on some of
my droppings?' replied the bull.
They're packed with nutrients..'
The turkey pecked at a lump of dung,
and found it actually gave him enough
strength to reach the lowest branch of
the tree.
The next day, after eating some more
dung, he reached the second branch.
Finally after a fourth night, the turkey
was proudly perched at the top of the
tree.
He was promptly spotted by a farmer,
who shot him out of the tree.
Moral of the story:
Bull Shit might get you to the top, but it
won't keep you there.
Lesson 6
A little bird was flying south for the
winter. It was so cold the bird froze
and fell to the ground into a large field.
While he was lying there, a cow came
by and dropped some dung on him.
As the frozen bird lay there in the pile
of cow dung, he began to realize how
warm he was.
The dung was actually thawing him
out!
He lay there all warm and happy, and
soon began to sing for joy.
A passing cat heard the bird singing
and came to investigate.
Following the sound, the cat
discovered the bird under the pile of
cow dung, and promptly dug him out
and ate him.
Morals of the story:
(1) Not everyone who shits on you is
your enemy.
(2) Not everyone who gets you out of
shit is your
friend.
(3 ) And when you're in deep shit, it's
best to keep your mouth shut!
