RULES OF DRIVING IN LAGOS

1. When in doubt, accelerate!

2. Be prepared to ram into anything stopping you
that is wearing uniform in Lagos (police,traffic
warden, FRSC, Kai brigade, fire brigade, VIO,
LASTMA, LAMATA, LASWA)

3.If you get caught by any chance, do not allow
them to enter your car, if they happen to get in do
not drive from that spot (veer off traffic & settle
promply), and if they don’t agree, pretend that you
are calling your uncle who is in the army (believe
me it always works), never follow them to any sort
of office except you are ready to pay ten times
more than what was demanded.

4. Never give police or VIO your original
particulars (whether expired or up to date).

5. Danfo drivers believe they are immortal. Never
yield to the temptation to teach them otherwise.

6. Okada riders have a pact with suicide, avoid
them like a plaque.

7. Avoid BRT buses in all ramifications, they have
no brakes.

8. Taxi cabs (oko asewo) should always have the
right of way, all of them have been driving in Lagos
for 25 years.

9. Never, ever, stop for a pedestrian unless he
flings himself under the wheels of your car.

10. The first parking space you see will be the last
parking space you see. Grab it. Survival of the
fittest you may say!

11. Learn to swerve abruptly. In Lagos, potholes
(and sometimes car-holes) are put in key locations
to test drivers’ reflexes and shock absorbers,( I
saw one man fishing in one of the potholes last
week).

12. There is no such thing as “one-way” in Lagos.
Expect traffic from any direction at all times. The
okada riders are the experts in this area.

13. Never get in the way of a car that needs
extensive bodywork, except you want to spend
your whole Saturday at the panel beater’s place.

14. Morning rush-hours are equivalent to Lagos
grand prix (who gets to the junction first).

15. There is no such thing as a short-cut during
rush-hour traffic in Lagos. Everybody might be
inclined to take that ’short-cut’
.
16. When asking for directions, always ask at least
three people. Lagosians always claim to know
every inch of the city – even areas they’ve never
been to.

17. Use extreme caution when pulling into service
lanes. Service lanes are not for breaking down the
traffic, but for speeding, especially during rush
hour.

18. Never use directional signals, since they only
confound and distract other Lagos drivers, who
are not used to them.

19. Similarly, never attempt to give hand signals.
Lagos drivers, unused to such courtesies, will think
you are making obscene gestures to them. This
could be very bad for you in Lagos.

20. Hazard lights (popularly called “double
pointer”) is not, (as commonly supposed) used to
indicate a hazard. It is a warning to you that he is a
bonafide Lagos driver, he’s headed ’straight’ and as
such, will not stop under any circumstance. Take
him extremely seriously especially if he backs it up
with a continuous blast from his “horn”.

21. At any given time, do not stand on the zebra
crossing expecting traffic to yield to you, or else
you will have to explain to the on coming traffic
whether you look like a zebra.

22. Speed limits are arbitrary figures posted only
to make you feel guilty.

23. Remember that the goal of every driver is to
get there first by whatever means necessary.

24. In Lagos every spot is a potential bus stop.
FRSC and LASTMA know that too. It is in their
constitution.

25. Above all, keep moving. Even with a flat tyre!!!
HORNING IN LAGOS
Horn’ when someone executes a dangerous
maneouvre.

‘Horn’ when you’re about to move off.

‘Horn’ when you’re about to overtake.

‘Horn’ when someone is about to overtake you.

‘Horn’ when turning into a road.

‘Horn’ when emerging from a road.

‘Horn’ back when someone horns at you. It’s
considered good etiquette.

‘Horn’ when you hear a chorus of horns. Don’t
worry if you don’t know what all the ‘horning’ is
about.

‘Horn’ when you’re happy.

‘Horn’ to the beat when you’re playing music in
your car.